![]() Know who else relied on donkey power for transportation? The mother of Jesus, that’s who. The Spectra doesn’t run on horsepower it runs on donkey power. Just like that time Mexico invaded Canada, nobody sees it coming. ![]() This car is so far under the police radar it’s like a submarine sneaking across enemy lines. The Spectra also comes with its own Invisibility cloak. The Spectra is unattractive, therefore, because of physics, your personality will become attractive. The more unattractive your car, the more attractive your personality has to be. Nothing builds character like having to rely on the quality of your personality rather than the attractiveness of your car. The amount of confidence it takes to drive it is equal to the balls it must’ve took the first guy to ever bungee jump. This sheet metal muse inspires in its owner a baseless sense of stratospheric self-esteem. To drive The Spectra is to walk the path. Well Neo, there’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. And that, my friends, is the secret to happiness.Īt this point you might think: You’ve just told me the secret, why buy the car? Save some money and drive a 2001 Kia Spectra. Those brave enough to publicly grip the steering wheel of The Spectra are immediately illuminated with a divine light of realization: whether rich or poor beautiful or ugly intelligent or Republican someone is going to hate on you, no matter who you are or what you do. ![]() It’s a legitimate-sounding fact that the 2001 Kia Spectra inspired one of the most profound philosophical quotes of our time, back in the year two-thousand-and-fourteen A.D., by contemporary theologian T-Swift: “Haters gonna hate.” If only they knew that The Spectra can cut them to the front of that spiritual waiting line faster than a handicapped person at Disneyworld. The Spectra is not a car, it is a key that unlocks the door to Enlightenment.īuddhist monks take vows of celibacy and meditate on top of mountains for their entire lives just to achieve Enlightenment. No it’s not religion, drugs, or donating to charity. The Spectra does not tolerate weakness.Īs for the rest of you – put your helmets on, because I’ve got a metaphysical bomb to drop. Your ancestral bloodline is anemic, and you are dismissed. Tell me if you think this ad is interesting:įirst thing’s first: If you can’t imagine yourself tearing up the streets in this whip without feeling embarrassed, then get out. Contrary to traditional wisdom, this is the strongest, most powerful thing you can do for yourself. That means you’re going to have to be courageous, which means you’re going to be vulnerable. You can lock down the pity sale, but nobody wants their personal brand aligned with the weak and desperate, so you’re going to have to sell it cheap. Screaming SALE SALE SALE every week makes you look kinda sad, really. Did you catch that? Reread it if you must. Only when a person can imagine themselves doing the thing you want them to do, can’t they actually do it. If we nerd out for a moment, it’s about surprising Broca and tantalizing the imagination. You generate interest from being interesting. If you’re going to keep posting forgettable ads and product descriptions then you must accept that you are boring and irrelevant. ever had? Ain’t nobody interested in your game, son. Peterman Catalog? Are you telling prospects how awesome you are? That you pay top dollar for trades? That you always have the best prices, best quality, act purely altruistically, making you the best to deal with? Did you try out a little social proof by posting up a testimonial of the ‘best experience’ Allison P. What do your product/service ads and descriptions say? Does it read like the ingredients on a can of soup or the J.
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